I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
