I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
did i just pee glitter
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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