So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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