She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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