last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
