There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
