Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
why is half of my head shaved?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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