So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize