I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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