Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
