woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I want to fling myself into the sun
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
