You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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