I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
