dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
