I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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