Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
