im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
