with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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