theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
