don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
