Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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