There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
