I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize
