I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
