all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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