My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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