I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
