Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
