So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
