But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
