We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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