if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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