Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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