he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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