but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
