Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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