If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
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