and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
