Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
