I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
