He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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