i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
