he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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