I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
