I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
