i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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