A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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