I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
