I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
