Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
