Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
last night I used snow as a chaser
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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